I sit here amongst my collected cedar boughs and feather mobiles on International Women’s Day and think about what it means to quit. And what it means to show up. 

There is power in removing your voice, your consent, your shielding. Making the choice to not use your time to prop up systems and circumstances that cause harm is not giving up. It’s powerful to tell people and systems that they can’t have your energy anymore. It’s deep wisdom to know whether you’re making positive change by agitating or if taking your toys and leaving the sandbox is the better choice for you and your community. As Audre Lorde so aptly put it, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” Opting out, opting for care, opting for you is a powerful political act. 

And. 

I know that when I show up, it makes a difference. I know that having people take up the very spaces that they were never meant to be allowed into changes the game. I know that in order to soften the pointy edges that cut those of us who are forced to the margins, we need to grind them down. I know that to make the landing cushiony soft for others, we can be that blanket of moss. Going alone is never going to serve us; we have to go together. And to do that, we need to show up.

It’s never and either/or for me. It is always both/and. And. And. And. 

We will never solve the immensely difficult crises we face by simplifying the potential solutions. We need to embrace complexity, nuance, and seemingly oppositional realities. And we need to realize that sometimes the answers are really simple: caring for ourselves and others, caring for our community isn’t complicated. 

Happy International Women’s Day. Embrace complexity. Embrace discomfort. Embrace compassion. And make intentional choices. 

PS. Gender isn’t a binary.