There’s a difference between listening and agreeing. I hear this a lot about politicians in general – they don’t listen. For many of us, we actually listen a lot. Of course, it matters who we listen to (see previous posts about that) as some groups are systematically and intentionally ignored. This suggests a difference between only listening to people who seek us out, versus seeking out and listening to people who don’t come to us. Passive versus active. The problem often isn’t actually about listening. It’s about doing what we’re told.
In other words, it’s not about taking in new information. It’s about the actions we take as a result.
I agree that it’s frustrating when politicians or governments ask for feedback then don’t take it. That’s why it’s really important to be clear about what kind of feedback we’re seeking, what impact it will have, what’s up for decision, and what’s already decided. We also need to provide enough information about any logistical, budget, or other considerations that take certain options off the table.
What does it mean to listen? I would argue that it means to take in information with the goal of understanding. There’s a connection to empathy as well. Are we as elected officials able to feel the frustration or concern that is being brought to us?
Sometimes I can and sometimes I can’t. Honestly, sometimes I choose not to. I have boundaries around extending empathy because as an empath it can be depleting. It doesn’t mean, though, that I haven’t heard or understood the arguments put forward.
We live in a world where there seems to be a culture of yelling louder and louder at each other to try to get the other person to agree. At times it can get nasty—if you don’t agree with me, I will start in on the ad hominin attacks. I think that societally, we don’t listen well. And we empathize even worse.
Interestingly, the people who accuse me of not listening are definitely not interested in hearing anything about my views on or knowledge about the topic. They don’t want to hear any reasoning for my decisions. That’s their prerogative. However, as the old saying by Frederick Salomon Perls goes, “We live in a house of mirrors and think we are looking out the windows.”
A potential solution to this issue is the concept of deeper, slower engagement using models like Community Advisory Assemblies. This brings us into conversation with people who are less like us in their experiences and perspectives. It requires ongoing relationship and the ability to contemplate in more depths.
We need more care for each other to build the type of society we want. There are ways forward, but they take slow and thoughtful work. Are we willing to do that?
Image description: Nadine has ear buds in and is using a hair brush like a microphone. She’s wearing a grey tank top that says “New Westminster”. Above her head says “YOU. DON’T. LISTEN.” in all capitals.
